#1 Can the day get any worse?
Before I thought of writing this, I was still in the planning phase, wondering where I should begin with my blog, about sharing my thoughts and feelings with tiny people stuck in the screen of my device (i.e. you). I'm just a random internet explorer, one of many, a nobody. But still, I have feelings I need to store somewhere, or else I'll perish without a trace. I expect nobody is going to ever discover this (other than bots and web scrapers), but if you do, have a fun read. Maybe you'll discover we have something in common.
Following the events of today, I finally got something to share and talk about. Take it as a cautionary tale of suffering and why everyone should keep backups. Grab some popcorn, add some salt to it or let my words do it for you. Your pick. I prefer mine with some caramel, but maybe I'll try that when I revisit this post in the future. Alright, story time.
Once upon a time... Wait, way too back.
Today, I had the unfortunate yet fortunate opportunity to make terrible mistakes (yes, multiple) and get the gift of consequences immediately, as feedback for my human brain and the sad accompanying soul. As if I ever wished for it, but no thanks to whoever is up there in the clouds watching my every move! I mentioned fortunate opportunity because this day felt like it took away all the balance of unluck I had collected, bad karma whatever you wanna call it, so I'd probably be safe for a while, I got the message I was made to understand. I feel I should establish a linear timeline and a chain of events, or else you & I both will be snoozing. So, here we go.
Actions of yesterday define the results of tomorrow. So cheesy amirite? I promise I didn't copy that. Anyway, upon reflection, I understood the first domino fell yesterday, wasn't noticeable to me at the time but now I see it, and at that time any second person could have. I woke up late yesterday, nearly the afternoon (didn't get much sleep either), not because I'm a night owl (I enjoy both day and night), not because I was busy spending time with friends (I hardly have any), not because I was watching latest Apple TV originals (if only), but because I am a student who has all these unlimited possibilities in front of him, all the time and freedom to do anything, all the wishes and the creativity to bring them to life, yet shackled by the imposed expectations and short term commitments and goals he no longer trusts or finds himself in comfortably, completely lost in the void of emptiness that engulfs all the positivity, happiness and consciousness that once existed, leaving nothing but an empty body occupied by complete numbness in a space-time present in others' reality he needs to obey and preside in. I wish I could fix that, but I am stuck in a loop of always ending day cycle that gets replaced by a forever returning night cycle that eases into me, with no resistance because there's nothing but a faulty, tired former NPC who once tried to chase the dream, the sick future propped up by corrupt politicians who will never live to see the day when future citizens curse them, and the capitalist scum, loyal only to shareholders, who are the puppeteers to this desolate reality the so called "journalists" deny to print without bought-in bias and influence, making the value of your local newspaper as much as a toilet roll. Maybe you should have just bought more newspapers during that shortage, huh? Like all children, I was innocent and foolish once, believed everything that was taught in school, without a second of doubt, because who would lie to children and turn them into empty casks, meant to be used and thrown away for record profits? Criminals should learn a thing or two from underpaid teachers, because they are better liars than they ever will be, because I can tell the difference now. Y'all need to stop slumping, the world is not black or white or grey (as some "wise" pundits suggests), I won't use the lens you are enforcing and use my own to see the truth that always exists, which won't help me ever, but will give me something to occupy myself with, in a dull room. Maybe that foolish child is still a part of me, maybe I'll change, maybe I will try being a carpenter and build a ladder made from part delusion-part optimism, but I doubt I'll be able use it to climb out of this dark void without anyone offering me a hand from the top, where a happy, deserving future awaits me. Are you wondering if I ever tried blaming myself for it? Good guess, already done that, it isn't filling the limitless void. Until a miracle happens graced by fate, complete loneliness with music all around it is. And I guess occasional Real Madrid games to bring a smile to my face from time to time. (Mind that I said occasional, it is the complete opposite this season)
This sounds like a rant? It is a rant, sort of. It is when you see that because of an unbalanced, irregular sleep cycle (caused by the reasons shared above), I had an unbalanced eating schedule yesterday, feeling agitated constantly, getting winter chills constantly, while I was affected by a runny nose and dry cough that made resting and focusing much harder and frustrating, that agitated me much more, resulting in a state of constant chaos that affected me so much it carried over to the next day and made my physical and mental state much worse. All of this while I trying to study for an exam overnight. And thanks to Murphy's Law, much to my chagrin, things got much worse.
The status nerf from yesterday's events caught up with me today, and decided to overtake me and my studying session past midnight. I decided (or rather compelled) I need to catch a break and have something to eat, or else I will fall apart, crash out and miss the exam I had. This prompted me to search for and eat something quick, and I got myself a savory snack I should have avoided, like the iceberg in Titanic. After spending 30 minutes on sustenance, 15 minutes on finishing remaining parts of a chapter and final 15 minutes of the hour on some doom scrolling, the brain did its job and lured me into a nap that lasted more than it should have, that resulted in me waking up, finding myself in a delicate situation that was a mix of agitation caused by coughs and a sudden appearance of nauseousness that, like you can guess, did indeed result in me throwing up. Spent a lot of time moving around nauseated, supplementing myself with some fluids to get it all out. Take ate a chunk of my time, and now I was running late.
Now, you'd wonder if that's it? That it's something many of us go through? You're in for a surprise, because Murphy's Law strikes again, and this time the lightning strikes the same person twice each on both buttcheeks. How you ask? Glad you asked.
While I was vomiting rainbows, an event which lasted for more than 3 hours, I became aware of the fact that I was in no state to drive with full focus of my mind and awareness of my surroundings, I didn't want to get dangerous. So I did the next best thing, while I was in a hurry, by opening a cab hailing app. Got a ride, 7 minutes away. Good I said, at least now I can shift my focus to emptying the locker (why did I eat that last night?). What's that, you want peace? No, said the voice in 4th dimension. Carelessness will cost you when you are in a rush, it costed me a phone screen. The phone, carelessly kept on the edge of the table, while I was uhh busy, couldn't keep balance in the game of friction with the tablecloth and fell face first on the floor tile below. Investigators said someone pushed it and that it wasn't a suicide. The closest of kin was informed, some loud cries were heard in the next room. A moment of silence followed.
You felt sorry reading that terrible front page news? Turn the page over, it's not the end.
This all lead to me unable to use the device when I was in need, phone completely non functional. Phone calls, messages, internet, all a remote concept now. My Uber ride was now confirmed yet unusable. So I had to resort to asking someone else to get a ride for me, which then also lead to cancellations and misunderstandings, but not before ending in three rides waiting for me at the same time, leaving me in utter confusion and a sense of rush to reach destination in time, while trying not to throw up.
And now I have to get myself a new device, because the repair itself will be more than the cost of device before the accident. I had it for a little more than 3 years, it was in fine condition. Now I don't know which device is suitable for me, when I intended to use the now damaged device for another year, upgrading next year in anticipation of release of newer and better models. It's good I kept backups, otherwise I could have lost some of my accounts and data. I had 2fa app, but remembered to keep backup codes safe someplace else, so that's something accounted for too. Thank you, past me. And my test went fine as well. Lessons learnt well, even if I didn't volunteer for any of this. Spare me some joy ffs. I hope none of you ever go through what I did today. Don't learn it the hard way.
All of this happened just the day before Christmas, I didn't wish for any of this. Where's secret Santa when you need a new phone?! T_T